The Hurting Christian
** EDIT: When this was originally written, I never dreamed that it would hit this close to home. This was originally published on April 6, 2020, but my father passed away unexpected from a heart attack on April 4, 2020. Looking back over the life of my dad and the week after his death, it’s so clear to me how God has blessed my family and I, and that He was working through it all. Granted, that doesn’t make the situation easier at all, but offers a little comfort. When I wrote this, I was basing it off of past experiences not knowing it would become a present experience. Either way, in the worst pain a person can bear, God proves that He is still good. So this is written for the person that’s been through a lot of pain or is currently in a lot of pain - God is STILL GOOD, He still hears you and loves you, and there will never be a day when that is not true. **
Let’s be honest. When someone around us is hurting in some way, most of the time we don’t make anything better. Often times, we actually make matters worse. You might be reading this and taking offense, but how many times have you been hurt by the words or actions of someone who was trying to comfort you? We hear phrases like “well at least (fill in the blank) didn’t happen” or even “it could always be worse” from people with good intentions, but these phrases do little to nothing to actually help us with whatever situation we are in. Don’t worry, I’m not going to say those things to you. If you are hurting, you are in the right place.
No one goes through this life without hardships, pain, and loss, but even we are Christians need a little reminder that our suffering does not indicate a nonchalant, unloving God. The Bible never promises Christians an easy life or one without pain, in fact it tells us to expect it. But knowing these things doesn’t make it any less painful or difficult, so what then?
How do we grieve intentionally? How do we handle our feelings when we are hurt? How do we begin the process of trusting God in the middle of our storm?
Grieve in full. What I mean by this statement is that you are allowed to feel and have emotions. You are allowed to feel sad when someone near you loses their life, when the plan for your future falls through, when that person leaves you. You are allowed to be upset when someone says hurtful things or attempts to make things difficult for you. God created us with emotions, because He also knew those things would lead us to a dependence on Him. We are commanded to “not let the sun go down on our anger” (Ephesians 4:26), meaning we need to be praying and telling God how we feel so we can then be obedient. So feel your feelings to the fullest, and then take them to the God who is able to comfort, heal, and restore you.
Realize the purpose. When we are hurting emotionally, our first response is typically to ask God why it’s happening to us. Although it seems cliché and like a cop-out to say “there’s a reason for everything” - there is. In Hebrews 5:8, we read that Jesus “learned obedience through what he suffered”. I can’t tell you the specific reason God is allowing this to happen in your life, but might I ask you to consider if He’s been asking you to simply obey? David Powlison writes in his book God’s Grace in Your Suffering, “profound good in our lives often emerges in a crucible of significant suffering”. Whatever your circumstance is, you can go to God with every tiny detail knowing that there is a purpose in the pain.
Say “Thank you”. This is the step I personally hate the most. This is also the step that has always realigned my focus on God in the middle of awful circumstances. When we stop and say “Thank you” to God, we are acknowledging that none of God’s characteristics have changed, that good WILL come out of the situation, and our dependence on Him and His perfect plan. When my so-called friends suddenly abandon me, I can thank God that He never leaves, He’s faithful when no one else is. When the job I interviewed for doesn’t pick me, I can thank God that my value in His eyes doesn’t change, that He must be waiting to give me a better opportunity and that I need to be patient and obedient in the meantime. Take your situation and think about the character of God within that situation. It’s not a fun step, but it’s a humbling one.
Final Thoughts & Encouragement
God does hear and answer prayer. He doesn’t always answer in the ways we think or expect, but He always answers. If you don’t believe that, start reading through the Psalms paying special attention to the words “hear”, “voice”, and “call”. I also recommend a prayer journal. I’ve kept a prayer journal for about 10 years now and I can look through specific prayers and how God answered them - I have concrete proof God answers.
You are not alone. Again, this sounds cliché but there are people around you who have dealt with the same things, or are going through something similar. One day you will be able to tell your story about how you overcame this battle, and God will send you the exact people that need to hear that story. Talk to someone about what you are going through.
If you are looking for literature outside the Bible specifically about suffering or grieving, I recommend David Powlison’s God’s Grace in Your Suffering. This book basically outlines the song “How Firm a Foundation” and provides practical Biblical insights to suffering. Powlison makes things specific to YOUR situation while highlighting truth from God’s Word. Click here for a link to his book.
** EDIT: Again, I didn’t write this knowing it would become a present pain in my life. How could I have known that my entire world would be turned upside down in a matter of one hour? God is still good, and even when we don’t understand what’s going on, we can count on God never changing. When everything around us is in complete destruction and chaos, we can trust that God is the rock higher than us, a place of refuge for His people, and the best comforter we could ever have. If you need prayer or encouragement, feel free to email me through the Contact page that you can find in the top menu, or connect with me on any of my social media links. I want to walk beside the broken and hurting, and be the hands and feet of Jesus to people, just like my dad. **